We all deal with it differently.
- SunShine Dealer
- Aug 30, 2019
- 4 min read
There are times when I am quite conflicted with myself for the way I am. The way I read into things, feel deeply, over think, create something beautiful out of something awful. I don't always understand why my body is this way. I don't know why I see pain in others and think I can somehow help. In reality, who am I to even get myself involved in such an intimate way, right? It's this reflex that I can't seem to shake. I actually believe that my hand has done more damage than good, even though my intentions are purely good hearted. I have gone through and am still going through a journey of discovering what are good aspects of who I am, and what are some that I can work on. Today I'm going to expand on coping and reactions.
In my young teen years, I remember being very observant of others. Mannerisms, interactions, greetings, arguments, hand holding, the people sitting alone, and the people surrounded by millions. I was intrigued by all the thousands of differnet outcomes that could happen from every situation. I believe this is where the early stages of anxiety started with me. I would think of every scenario within seconds of passing by someone or something. I had a whole story written in my brain, incredible. Can't imagine now, what I did when it came to me and my life. I was curious, I wanted to see if the way I was taught love, was also the way others were taught. And thinking back now, I think I really wanted to trust that there was always love above all in everyone's heart. Looking back now, I'm not even sure how such a young girl could have this mentality. Fast forward a couple years, I continued to observe life. Reading into words and actions searching for something more when sometimes there wasn't more that met the eye. I used to point fingers at people who didn't deal with their problems the way I did, I used to try to change their natural state into mine. I really thought the best way to cope was to speak every single thought in your mind, to exhaust not only yourself but those around you. I believed this still, up until a couple months ago. Trauma hits differently in everyone's home. Some speak until ears bleed, some grow painfully quiet. And others disguise every action and word, decieve and mold lies around situations. What I really learned this past year is how to be more understanding and thoughtful of coping methods that are not my own. Ironic, how I wanted to see and know every detail and in my own way I thought that was it, me being understanding and thoughtful. More thoughtful than most, when in reality I wasn't thinking of those people at all, I was prying and disrespectfully speaking in my own mind about things I had no idea about. I didn't recognize how important it was for those people to truly deal with their own, the way that was most comfortable and known to them. You see, I failed to recognize that what worked for me didn't necessarily work for everyone else.
Today, I am still learning but I have the ability to step back and give space to those in my life who need it. I've learned to not take it personally. At the end of the day we are the only ones who know exactly what goes on in our life and mind. I've found myself completely comfortable and accepting of silence between two people. I've learned that silence can be just as healing as opening up is. For someone who blurts out too much at the wrong times it seems, that even I have built a healthy filter. You see, I believed that if you didn't speak out loud about something that it meant you weren't dealing with it at all. And oh boy was I ever wrong. It was a foolish thing to believe. Just because something isn't said, does not mean it's not real, building up, or not being dealt with. Some need more time to think, others need an outcome immediately. I've learned to be mindful of how I react and assume. Reactions and assumptions mixed in a bowl with hightened emotion and irrationality is a disaster and half. So I decided I was going to look at it all separetly. What happened, why did it upset me, what exactly caused the reaction, what tick I had, and so on. I began disecting and organizing. And to my surprise I could finally understand thouroughly what was happening in 98% of the situations I was in. The formula I wrote up, I could plug in majority of the different details from various moments and boom; it all matched up. When we train our brains to know the difference between an emotional reaction and a rational reaction, we can begin to stop the train from it's wreck long before crossing the line.
With all this being said, what my heart is touching base with today is the change of mentality a person can experience. -- As much as I'd like to believe that I can make others better and I can fix their chaos with my equation, with my ideas, with my words and actions... it will not always be that way. Being open minded to human nature and how complex and diverse it is, is something I never thought I'd preach about in this way. And here I am, I think it's beautiful. Even more so I think it's extremely important. We tend to shut a lot of people out when we convinve ourselves there is only one way of living. We let a lot of opportunities with others pass us by. Whether it's a love interest, a friend, or just a stranger. We are quick to say we're not compatible or like-minded. Well I have a challenge for us; let's try to allow all different types of experiences in this year. Let's learn about one another, accept, respect, self reflect, and be thoughtfully understanding. Until next time, XoxoSunshineDealer.
تعليقات